This year was heavy. It almost broke me.
I was raised, nope, I was brainwashed to believe the family I was born into, came first. I say brainwashed because it was all such bull.
When that family hurts you your while life, enjoys kicking you while you are down and in fact were the ones to push and hold you down while they kicked you, it's an awful lot to acknowledge. An awful lot to grieve and heal from.
Yet despite that I tried.
I was open and willing.
I initiated conversations I shouldn't of had to.
I gave apologies that were not deserved.
I pushed aside the pain once again
All to try to make it ok.
Like I have done my whole life, from the time I was a little girl.
I always had to justify myself to them.
Just for being.
I was never good enough for them then and as it turns out, I'm still not good enough for them now.
But putting all my pain and hurt aside, to try, and get absolutely no effort in return, well it taught me. It freed me. It allowed me to finally let go. To escape the jail they kept me in my whole life. To escape their hate.
Such hateful people they are. I refuse to be hateful.
Never being good enough for them, finally taught me it was nothing to do with me.
Finally, in my 40's I am free.
Free of their judgement
Free of their expectations
Free of their disapproval
Free of their hate
I can now live Free. I can breathe. I can dream. I can be happy. My inner child is healed.
I learnt to leave those people, my so called family, where they are. Miserable and full of hate.
So what I want to share is this because I hope this next bit helps someone else out there fund their happy x
Even if it's your parents, your siblings (both in my case), friends, colleagues or strangers. The biggest thing I am learning from this year is to 'Let Them'
Let them think they are right
Let then think they are better
Let them judge
Let them ridicule
Let them be bitter
Let then be hateful
Let them think whatever they want
Let them be assholes
Just let them.
I stopped taking it on.
I stopped letting it hurt me.
I stopped letting it hurt the family I built.
I stopped feeling guilty for being me
I stopped living in fear of not being enough.
Don't get consumed in the 'why' of why someone treats you like shit, because as I say to my kids all the time, if someone if awful to you, it says more about them that it ever will about you.
I can't wait for 2025'
It's finally, all about ME!
And I am fucking awesome!!!
