But I do think as the year closes and and new one begins, we certainly reflect on the year that was and perhaps review our intentions for the year ahead.
2022 was a year full of growth for me. That age old adage 'when you can't control what's happening around you, choose to control how you react to it', has been pivotal in me getting through some of the most painful moments of my life.
But choosing how I respond, taking more control over the hot headed quick reactions, and choosing to respond with thoughtfulness and intent; this has taught me alot about myself.
I did alot of internal investigation into why I would so badly react sometimes and fly off the handle, in what seemed like fits of rage where my insides were boiling. I realised I was reacting to situations and feelings that I wasn't in control of, so I had let them control me. It wasn't pretty.
The last time that happened (sometime late 2021) I scared myself. I looked at the faces of my children, and it was in that moment I decided I really needed to be in control of my reactions. I needed to respond not react.
And I'm very grateful for the timing of that lesson, as when someone came at me in a fit of rage not too long after that, I was able to respond with boundaries and logic instead of having a quick heated reaction. That moment was the first I remember really controlling my want to react and instead I responded. That moment also taught me where this came from in my life. It helped me understand, this was a learned behaviour from my childhood, and realising that allowed me to gain even further control over my want and ability to respond, not react.
I used to be very hot headed and I am sure I still am sometimes, it can be awfully hard to hold your tongue all the time. But, I'm no longer confused or angry at myself about it.
So, my biggest reflection in 2022 was that I have the ability to choose how I respond when someone hurts me. I have the ability to choose to convey my feelings clearly and with certainty because I am not coming from a reactive place, but a thoughtful and intentional place.
I spent a big part of my life not wanting to disappoint people who's expectation I will never meet. Those same people always made me feel like I was always wrong and not good enough, when really they probably just couldn't accept that I do things my way. Always have done.
So, I walk into 2023 having shed their (and anyone else's) expectations, their judgements and their critisism. I have embraced my ability to respond to situations rather than react and have learnt to honour my truth and my voice. I finally feel the freedom and power to chase my dreams!
2023 for me is all about moving forward. May your 2023 be all you want it to be ~xx~